Schools. There are few things that will shape our kids’ experience and memories of childhood and adolescence more than the schools they attend. They impact everything from where we choose to live to who we’ll end up friends with. There are a head-spinning number of options out there. Public. Private. Religious. Magnet. Charter. And the programs offered – even by public school systems – can vary wildly. Some schools keep all students from kindergarten through twelfth grade on one campus. Some offer a dedicated middle school for 6^th and 7^th graders; some for 5^th through 8^th or 9^th.

It probably won’t surprise you to learn that when I began considering what type of school experience I wanted my children to have – a process that began with preschool, shortly after my oldest daughter’s second birthday – I leaned heavily on the older moms in my life for guidance. 

These days, having become something of an “older mom” myself, I find myself fielding a lot of “school” questions from friends and acquaintances whose kids are younger than mine. This makes sense to me because I have five kids, the youngest of whom is now a junior in college, so I’ve been around the schoolyard, so to speak.  

Plus, I’ve always been committed to finding the right educational environment for each of my (very different) children. Consequently, my kids have been in an unusually wide array of schools over the years: pre-K only programs, K-6 programs, K-8 programs and K-12 programs. School questions also make sense to me given that we live in an area that is so flush with outstanding schools its dizzying. So, as an homage to my own beloved older moms, I’d like to offer my take on the whole how-do-I-pick-the-right-school-for-my-child question and share with you why I am a huge fan of K-8 programs.

K-8 programs give kids the stability and continuity they need for the exponential growth that happens over the course of elementary school

First, they’re nine years long. Even longer – and even better – if your child attends a preschool associated with the K-8. And there is a lot of growing and changing going on in that nine-year span. In fact, I believe that there is no other period of time during a child’s education when he or she learns as much as the stretch between their first day of kindergarten and their last day of eighth grade. High school is about college. College is about careers. But a K-8 elementary school is all about giving children the time to focus just on themselves, on discovering who they are and who they might become. 

For sure, a five-year old brings a lot more than glue sticks and crayons to kindergarten; he brings all this amazing potential and a host of nascent talents and interests and challenges and gifts with him. But they’re really just possibilities at that point. He will have to come to know what his particular gifts and interests are, then he will need to be given the space to show them, the guidance to shape them and, ultimately, the confidence to share them. All that takes time.

K-8s give teachers and staff the time it takes to understand, mentor, and connect with the whole child

It also takes a very nurturing environment. Over the course of elementary school, you will learn so much about your child. More importantly, your child will learn so, so much about themselves, as learners and classmates and playmates and competitors and artists and thinkers and creators and athletes and inhabitants of our planet. They will grow educationally, socially, emotionally and spiritually. 

And with all that growth and learning – just trust me on this one – comes a lot of mistakes. That’s good. Learning is about making mistakes. But when a child trips up, she needs a soft place to land. Especially when they’re in those turbulent “middle school” years – possibly the most mistake-laden of anyone’s life – they need the comfort and stability and security of knowing that mistakes don’t define them. 

By the time a child is in 6^th, 7^th or 8^th grade in a K-8, those teachers know him. They know his history and his family and his personality. They can be fully present to help him navigate a tricky social situation or an academic challenge because they understand the players and the circumstances and the full curriculum and what this child is really going through right now. Teachers in K-8 schools have the time it takes to understand, mentor and connect with each of their students and each of their famillies. 

Speaking of families, there’s another little side benefit to K-8s: families have the time to really get to know one another as well. For years, they sit together on soccer fields and volunteer together in lunchrooms and actually come to look forward to back-to-school nights because they know so many of the other families. Some become lifelong friends, which is awesome. But all of them get to know the parents of their children’s classmates. It’s no small thing, particularly when you hit a little bump in the road, to be able to pick up the phone and talk mom to mom. 

K-8’s save young adolescents from a difficult transition at a difficult time

There’s another reason that I’m such a supporter of K-8s: 6^th and 7^th graders don’t have to transition to an entirely new school at one of the most chaotic, confusing, vulnerable times of their lives. Seriously? Like being twelve isn’t hard enough? This stage of adolescence is not smooth sailing at any school, but K-8s give kids a little more ballast to ride out the pre-teen storms. Middle schoolers are the top dogs at a K-8 program. Everyone else looks up to them. They’re given privileges the younger kids are not. They change classes and have lockers and go to dances. They’re treated like the leaders at the school and, for the most part, they rise to the occasion. 

This is far different from what can happen at a dedicated middle school, where 6^th, 7^th and 8^th graders are crammed together, left to navigate the physical, social and emotional awkwardness of early adolescence far beyond the admiring gaze of younger students and far below the tempering influence of older, more mature high schoolers. The teachers don’t know them, and many of the students don’t know one another, so there can be a lot of vying and jostling for spots in the social hierarchy. 

And they help insulate them from high school drama for a little bit longer

It’s also very different from what happens at K-12 programs, where the focus tends to drift off to the high school. That’s where all the action is. In K-12s, middle schoolers can come to see themselves, not as the top dogs of elementary school, but as the not-quite-there-yets of high school. They’re often exposed to high school problems before they have to be. Sixth, 7^th and 8^th graders shouldn’t be hearing about drinking or what happened at the after-prom or the stress of college acceptances. They have their own work to do just getting through adolescence. K-8 programs let them stay young a little while longer which, in this day and age, is a wholly, unconditionally, spectacularly good thing.  

Transitioning schools after eighth grade satisfies young teens’ need for change and independence and helps prepare them for an even bigger transition four years later

Sad to say, they can’t stay young forever. The thing that I like most about K-8 programs is that, at the end of 8^th grade, they leave. I know. I just sang the praises of nurturing, stable, comforting K-8s and now I’m saying I love that they leave. But I do. That’s why I’m not a huge fan of K-12s. In my experience, thirteen- and fourteen-year-olds are really ready for something totally new. Changing schools at this point aligns perfectly with their burgeoning need for autonomy and independence. 

Plus, at this point, they’re old enough, and self-aware enough, to have a meaningful say about what kind of school suits them. The school you choose for your child now may not be the school you would have chosen for them when they were little. Your five-year old Picasso may have discovered a deep love of music. The toddler that had to be peeled off your leg in preschool might have blossomed into a fantastic public speaker hoping to find a high school with a great theater or forensics program. 

You likely weren’t leaning on your four-year old’s insights when you initially enrolled her in school. But by 8^th grade, that same child can sit down with you and thoughtfully discuss what’s the right school for her right now.  

Then, off they go to high school. To re-invent themselves as smarter, stronger, more mature versions of the child you bundled off to kindergarten, and to do it in a place where nobody knows or cares that they threw up on the fourth-grade field trip. To meet new friends and master new subjects and explore new interests and extra-curriculars; something that they’ll have to do all over again just four short years later. By that point, they’ll be ready and confident because they’ve already done it once. And you’ll be feeling pretty confident, too. Although you probably won’t be ready. 

Take it from an older mom.