A few weeks ago, I was at my local supermarket along with everyone else in the tri-state area stocking up for what was destined to be, like, one inch of snow. The store was humming with the frenetic energy that usually accompanies a weather event or an Eagles game (or, these days, a delivery of eggs) when I happened to notice a young mom pushing a canopy covered stroller through the bakery section. 

Go mom, I thought, suddenly flooded with fond memories of taking my own kids shopping for marshmallows and cocoa before a snow and I looked around for other happy little families doing the same. It was early evening and, as I said, the store was buzzing. But, aside from stroller mom, I only saw one somewhat fraught looking woman rushing two elementary age kids to the dairy section and a dad with a toddler on his shoulders casually perusing the prepared foods. Where are all the kids?

People Don’t Seem to Take Their Kids to the Grocery Store as Often as They Used to. Which, on One Hand, I Totally Get.

Don’t get me wrong; I clearly remember the epic challenge of taking kids to the grocery store. I had five children in six and a half years, I did not have regular access to sitters, and I was solely responsible for keeping us all fed. Bundling up five kids of various ages and abilities, finding and putting on shoes and coats and snapping each into their car seats – that alone could take twenty minutes, easy. Then, once we got to the store, getting them out of the car was a whole other and constantly evolving thing. After each baby, it took me a full month to figure out the safest order to remove them from and replace them back into the car. (Pro tip: the ones who can’t or are too old to wander off first; flight risks last. Reverse that for getting them back in.) 

At the store entrance, I would grab a second cart and encourage the kids to wave to the security cameras – That’s how the Genuardi police make sure everyone in the store behaves – before venturing inside. For years, I shopped with two carts; pushing the front one filled with kids and pulling the back one filled with food. Even when they graduated out of the cart, I still needed them close to me to avoid the guess-who-I-left-at-Genuardi’s scenario. That’s how we invented the ever-popular competition to be the first to touch me or one of the carts when I randomly and quietly announced Hands On. 

In the store, I had to stave off the assaults of the marketing geniuses who had devoted their lives to packaging and placing toaster tarts and Captain Coco Charm Puffs in exactly the right spot to exert gravitational pull on my kids’ souls. I had to cover their little fingers and scoot into a side aisle when one of them pointed to a random man and said, Daddy? I spent more hours that I can count praying that they wouldn’t innocently ask me what happened to that man’s teeth, or that one’s hair, or what that smell was or how many babies that lady was going to have. These prayers intensified in line, when neither escape nor pretending the questioning child wasn’t mine was an option.

Then I’d load up the car, schlep back home, unload the car, unbundle the kids, put the food away, and carry on with the cooking and the feeding and the wiping up and the settling down . . . yeah. I’m leaving out the periodic meltdowns, throw ups, and less than successful sprints to the potty. And the fact that I did this at least once a week for something like ten years.

But I’m Here to Tell You it’s a Great Habit to Get Into.

So, I have been one acquainted with it, right? I fully understand the temptation to order groceries online or let daycare or your partner or the girl down the street take things over for a minute while you just scooch out to Giant for the butter and coffee creamer you forgot the last time you were at Giant. (And, hey, sometimes a mom gotta do what a mom gotta do. Zero judgment here.)

But when I think back on the hundreds of trips I took to the supermarket with my kids, I remember them as some of the most quietly engaging, educational, family and community building moments we shared together. So, with a sincere understanding of the effort involved, I’d like to make the case for actually going to the grocery store and taking your kids with you. 

I’m so invested in this idea that I’m writing other posts about how food shopping together builds your kids’ social awareness and poise, helps them develop a richer sense of community, and teaches them really practical, empowering ways to engage with the world. For now, I’d just like to give you three reasons it’s a good idea, and a few tips to make it a little easier.

Grocery Stores are Incredibly Rich, Stimulating Environments for Kids of Every Age.

For kids in general, the world is a sensory place. They engage with it through what they see, hear, touch, smell, and taste. And a grocery store is a sensory motherload. Crates of round green apples next to crates of red ones, across from piles of pointy orange carrots and crinkly green and purple lettuces. Whole fish behind the cold glass counter. Long aisles stacked on either side with colorful boxes and cans. Various smells as you move through the aisles, of citrus and roasting chicken and coffee and sugar and bread and patchouli soap. The sounds of carts rattling and bland background music and the swapping of questions and answers and chit chat. 

The market is so stimulating, in fact, that it can be too much for some kids. This can be especially true for babies, who don’t generally find themselves engulfed in so much sensation. My kids didn’t really struggle with this, but Dax, my fourth, sometimes teetered on the brink. I learned that covering his car seat with a light blanket or turning him to face me shut down the overwhelm and I kept bringing him to the grocery store. Eventually, he became my most enthusiastic shopping buddy. 

When my kids were young, especially when they were very young, they were most engaged and happy when I narrated the trip for them. Ok, so we need apples from over here. I like the green, but Max likes the red because they’re sweet. So, let’s get a couple of each, then we’ll pick some tomatoes. Should we get the big ones or the little ones? That comes easy to me because I’m a talker. But if you’re not inclined to share your every thought on the relative virtues of green vs. red apples with the entire produce section, no worries. In my experience, kids can become very intrigued by the texture of an avocado or a kiwi or the smell of fresh basil if they’re allowed to spend a little time together. Even the things that are most mundane to us can become a source of utter fascination for them. One of my favorite photos is of two-year-old Dax staring fixedly at an undecorated Easter egg, officially titled “Dax contemplates the egg.” 

As they get older, the supermarket becomes an even more explicit and practical schoolhouse. Making lists helps with organizational skills. Involvement in food planning and prep encourages healthy eating, creativity, and curiosity. Learning weights and measures, counting, bagging, comparing prices, staying on budget, managing money . . . it’s a master class in life management that also keeps your family fed for the week. What’s not to like?

Shopping Together Builds Confidence – Yours and Theirs.

I don’t need to tell you that taking kids out in public involves risk. They might wipe out a tower of soup cans or drop blueberries all over the floor or throw a fit over being handed something that they just asked for. OK. That’s a risk. But you’ll get past it. You’ll learn to manage bad behavior and they’ll learn to avoid bad behavior and you’ll all try it again next week.  Every time you do, whether it’s a good trip or a bad one, you and your kids will feel more confident and comfortable sharing this task together. That type of empowerment carries over.

And, really, what’s your option? They need to learn to navigate the world comfortably, and the world is not limited to their peers. Looking people in the eye. Interacting appropriately with store employees and patrons. How adults communicate with one another. They’re not going to learn the niceties of multigenerational connection at school or Chuck E Cheese or soccer. And you can’t really just leave them home until they magically learn behaviors they’ve never been taught or had the chance to practice. 

Plus it’s a supermarket, for God’s sake. It’s not like people go there for a romantic evening or to study the great masters. No one expects a trip to Whole Foods to feel like an afternoon at the spa. If some joy-sucking grump gets a little fussed just because your kids have, that’s on them.

It’s a Twofer.

Speaking of spas, let’s talk about allocating your very limited free time and resources as a busy mom. If your mom called and said, Let me take the kids for a couple of hours this week. Go do something for yourself, I sincerely doubt you’d say Woo Hoo!!! Aldi’s here I come!! No. You’d see if you could schedule lunch with a friend or go for a run at the park or plan a nap or call the spa. You’d do something that would leave you feeling refreshed and rejuvenated and ready to dive back into momming. Things you are not likely to feel after a solo trip to Giant.

Done right, food shopping with the kids is a twofer: chore time and quality bonding time. Save your sitters for you time.

And, With a Few Tweaks, it Can Be Fun for Everyone.

Having persuaded you (I hope) that taking your kids food shopping with you is both valuable and doable, here are a few things I learned along the way to make it more enjoyable:

• Make an event out of it. Hype it up a little. If your kids realize you think of grocery shopping as a mini family adventure, they’re more likely to bring their A game.

• If you can, plan to go in the morning or early afternoon, when the store is less crowded. This is often when a lot of old people go, and old people love little kids. You all will make each other’s day.

• But stay far away from naptimes. Cranky kids never make good company and if they fall asleep in the car on the way home, you may find yourself driving all over creation to keep them asleep while Ben and Jerry melt in the way back.

• If you’re driving, park near the cart return rather than the front door.

• Have a pre-explained request policy. Some people buy their kids whatever they ask for. Since I knew what my kids would ask for, I went a different route and told them I would only buy things that were on my list. Spontaneous requests were met with a friendly waive of the list or distracted silence. It saved me a lot of no’s I could use later to greater effect. Whatever your policy, explain it ahead of time and stick to it.

• Give yourself plenty of time. Nothing is fun when it’s rushed and everything with kids takes longer than you expect. If you plan for that, you’ll all be more relaxed.

• Make it a regular thing. Kids learn most easily through repetition. The more often they accompany you through the hallowed halls of Costco, the more smoothly those trips will go.

• Plan some sort of treat for them. We all get hungry at the grocery store, so bring something or promise to get them something to make the event a little more exciting. It’s not a bribe. It’s a perk.

• Remember that you’re doing something great for your kids on so many levels, and even your most embarrassing mishaps will morph into some hysterical stories down the line. I think that’s worth a cleanup on aisle six.